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Joshua Thillagaratnam
South Yarra, VIC
2nd July 2010
City of Stonnington
Parking Alliance
Re: Infringement Number ########
Dear Sir / Madam,
I would like to appeal this infringement. I simply parked my vehicle in the loading zone to 'load' my car with furniture that my wife and I had purchased from the shop directly in front of the loading zone that I mentioned earlier. This entire process was fully endorsed by the owner of the store who assured me that this sort of loading activity takes place all the time to the delight and convenience of many satisfied customers. As I am sure you are aware the sign clearly states that there is a 30 minute period permitted in afformentioned loading zone which is very lucky for me as the entire furniture loading process that my wife and I embarked on was completed successfully under 5 minutes. This was because we had a clear plan of what we were going to purchase before we arrived at the store and knew roughly where the items were inside the building. Please see that this infringement that was wrongly given to me be annulled. Thank you kindly for your time, please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any problems or if you require my assistance with removing this infringement.
Regards,
Joshua Thillagaratnam
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Reassessments Officer
GPO Box 3095
Melbourne 3001
Dear Sir / Madam,
Thank you for your letter regarding the decision to not withdraw the above infringement notice. I am writing with further additional information for your consideration. I would like to start by establishing that I'm a good guy. If need be I can get one if not both my parents to confirm this fact.I pay my taxes and I always pick up the feacal matter created by my well behaved canine companion. I go as far as to tell other people off at my local City of Stonnington maintained park when they fail to do the same for their dogs. They often call me by the endearing nickname I have gained here in the neighbourhood which is kunt. I am not sure what this means but I love the passion and spirit of this neighbourhood. They will often say "hey kunt, who do you think you are telling me what to do, a member of The City of Stonnington?". And I have to laugh heartily at this because a man of my low skill / education background would never be qualified enough to perform the delicate and necessary tasks with such an incredible level of care and understanding as someone like yourself! I went to my uncle's university for 4 years before I realised that my uncle had in fact lied to me in order to utilise me as a doorman in what I later learned was actually a 'laundry cleaning and bulk tumble drying services' establishment. Sadly this is not recognised as worthwhile work experience in most law firms and I was unable to attain my dream of being a doorman at a reputable law firm. But back to the matter at hand I have taken precious time out of my busy schedule to take these photos with what the internet assures me is a camera of 'prosumer to professional' grade.
Here is a picture of the store in front of the loading bay where my wife and I were purchasing furniture. I ask you, does a man who shops at an establishment called '$upa Bargains (which I imagine is not spelled correctly ON PURPOSE) the kind of person that has even seen $117.00 in real life? The answer is a resounding "aw hell naw". This is a catchphrase popularised by US President Barrack Obama when his addresses to the nation were on a weekly basis and when he wore his jacket inside out whilst living with his cousin Carlton and his tough-love applying but fair uncle who's name was Phil. A man like myself who on that fateful day purchased a shelf, an all-purpose hammer and a pair of fingerless gloves is not the sort of gentleman who dances with the devil on the razor's edge by parking where he should not.
I am so poor that other equally ethnic citizens are compelled to comment on the presumed financial status of my mother loudly and in a jovial fashion. I am sure you will agree that this sort of behaviour is not acceptable in public espescially on Chapel St. because it can often be hurtful to me.
Here is a picture of the sign in question. This sign. Boy. I am so embarassed at my inability to comprehend it. There I was on a Sunday morning thinking to myself that I need not worry as I would have 30 minutes in which to conduct any sort of loading activity my heart desired. How wrong I was. By now you have probably read and possibly tried pronouncing my ridiculous surname, possibly pointing out its hilarity to your fellow genius coworkers at The City of Stonnington. You probably say things like "hey check out this guy's name! Phil, f- .. f- ... f-who gives a fuck am I right? He probably doesn't know how to read our fancy City of Stonnington signs because he comes from some shitty country that doesn't even have Crispy Cremes!".
Sadly this is very true. Back in my hometown of Claremont Western Australia we would often have to load and unload items from our vehicles. We would find a 'loading zone' sign posted much like this one here on Chapel St. (pictured above) and we would park, pop our boots open and load / unload till we were tired. It was a simple life but we worked hard and we were happy. I beg of you not to judge us for this, we mean The City of Stonnington no harm. I just want to live in this suburb, pay my taxes, put my bins out on the correct day and induldge old people that feel the need to talk to me in the local park with conversations regarding the weather and the breed of pet that I own.
Please apply some understanding to the unique circumstances of my predicament and remove this infringement. I promise never to commit this crime again and to tell all of my friends in excruciating detail how loading bays are to be used properly in The City of Stonnington.
With great apology and regret,
Joshua Thillagaratnam
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