A new romantic pursuit for me (Part 1)

Walterg Shaw wrote:

Hello my friend!!!

This is not spam or other bad things. So, please, answer to me!!!
My name is Ekaterina. I am 26 years old.
I live far from Moscow, about 1200 km. I hope you know a town called Voronezh.
You can see it in Google if you want.
I want to search man from other country for serious relationship and may be love.
I am not married and have no children.
I am attractive and no-smoking girl.
I am really tired of my boring life and i want to meet new man in my life to change it.
This is my photo. I hope you can see it and you also like it and you will answer to me.

Please, answer to my e-mail address : katya-shushkina00@rambler.ru
I am waiting for your letter impatiently.
Please, answer me as soon as you read this..

Best regards,
Kiss.
Yours Katya. (this is my short name)
hmf ljky fcvsp ebcvxumk
______________________________

From: Josh T
Subject: Re: Good day!
To: Walterg Shaw

Hello Katya my dear friend,

How nice to have this opportunity to hear from you. I have googled your home town of Voronezh and it is just lovely. I remember it from a board game called Risk. If your country is anything like it is in the board game I would keep a watchful eye on Kamkatcha and also the shifty yellow peril to the south because they will try and take your monument and you will lose the +3 bonus that you would normally enjoy at the start of each round like my friends did to me in one particular game which was most upsetting, and I have reason to believe that they were cheating. I like the horse monument that you have there.

I am a very attractive man, 36 years young and I live in Australia. I am looking for a serious relationship and definitely love. It has to be, this is not up for debate. So it is no wonder that I am so excited about the contents of your email. I have one child though, a boy called Douchebag. Haha no that is not actually his name this is just what I call him when I am very upset with him for eating my precious cereal that is for me and me alone. His real name is Tido. You will meet him and learn to love him as I am myself still trying to do every day of his long and tedious life.

I cannot wait till you get here I will ensure that you are not bored, there are many parts of me things to do. I am very sad to announce however that there was no picture in your email. I long to see a picture of you. Can you please send one? It would really help me get out of bed in the morning. Jerk myself right out of bed suddenly haha no just jokes, just jokes I love to tell jokes my friends say I should be a stand up comedian. But I say "oh, you just say that because I am such a STAND UP GUY". This is a play on words and is considered to be very funny in my country.

I look forward to your reply, please do not keep me waiting because I can tell even from this initial email exchange that you are very beautiful and things are going to work out for us for sure. I must go now as Tido is scratching at the door which means that he wants to come inside, eventhough I have only recently let him out AT HIS request - he can be so fickle minded and sometimes this annoys me.

Kisses
Mr. Thejos

Uncle Nelson's loss (life) is potentially my gain (money)

from Khairun Nizam
reply-to admin@co-khairulnizam.com
to Josh T
subject Attn: Joshua Thillagaratnam
mailed-by sapo.pt

Khairun Nizam & Co.
Contact:
Barrister Khairun Nizam Bin Ali & Co.
Advocates and Solicitors Malaysia
Email: admin@co-khairulnizam.com

Office
No. 16 Taman Sri Nading,
Jalan Mutiara4/3 Hulu Langat,
52000 Cheras Selangor, Malaysia.

Dear Joshua Thillagaratnam,

I am Barrister Khairun Nizam, an Attorney at law. A deceased client of mine by name Late Mr. Nelson Thillagaratnam, who here in after shall be referred to as my client, died as the result of a heart-related condition on the 12h July, 2007.

I have contacted you to assist in distributing the money left behind by my Late client before it is confiscated or declared un-serviceable by the Bank where this deposit valued at eighteen million and Forty Two thousand United State dollars is lodged, [$US18.042m]. This Bank has issued me a notice to contact the next of kin, or the account will be confiscated.

My proposition to you is to seek your consent to present you as the next-of-kin and beneficiary of my named client, since you have the same last name with my late client, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you. Then we can share the amount on a mutually agreed-upon percentage. All legal documents to back up your claim as my client's next-of-kin will be provided. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through.

This will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from many breach of the law. If this business proposition offends your moral values, do accept my apology. I must use this opportunity to implore you to exercise the utmost indulgence to keep this matter extraordinary confidential, whatever your decision, while I await your prompt response. Please contact me at once to indicate your interest. I will like you to acknowledge the receipt of this e-mail as soon as possible via email this transaction will be treated private with absolute confidentiality and sincerity. I look forward for your quick reply at <>admin@co-khairulnizam.com

Best Regards,
Barr. Khairun Nizam,
[Principal Attorney.]

This communication, links contained herein, is for the sole use of the intended recipient and may contain information that is confidential or legally protected.
___________________________________

from Josh T
to admin@co-khairulnizam.com
subject Re: Attn: Joshua Thillagaratnam

Dear Khairun,

It is with mixed emotions that I respond to your e-mail. On one hand there is much sadness in learning that Uncle (is this correct?) Nelson Thillagaratnam has died. On the other, I am so fortunate that I have been told of his demise so that I can begin the healing process, and the fact that this stranger happens to be a lawyer is simply serendipitous. My sincere thanks to you Khairun Nizam, who I will henceforth refer to as Nizza, K-Dog and occasionally 'The K Man'.

Forty Two thousand United State dollars. K Man. My friend. This excites me greatly. You know what I'm saying? The excitement rocks from my quiverring loins violently through my aching stomach, up my eager chest and finally out of my willing mouth onto this e-mail machine. I am just so excited about this money and I am very eager to move this process along as soon as possible. The bank is going to confiscate Big Nelson T's money if not collected you say? Nizza, please. We cannot allow this to occur. This is not what my Uncle would have wanted I imagine.

We must set this straight. I am ready and willing to do whatever needs to be done and from your e-mail header I have a good feeling that you are an excellent attorney with a degree and everything. My wife has her reservations but I look angrily at her and I say "why does he have an address and his own domain then?". But no matter, she is not the boss of me and certainly not qualified to deal with sums of money larger than $20.00, which is what I give her when I ask her to buy me cheese and cigarettes from the store down the road that I like very much indeed. So fear not, this money is as good as ours. And if all goes well as you say, perhaps I will take some of the money from my portion and spend it on a holiday for you and me where we can have fun and become friends - I will gladly pay for this holiday as my personal thanks to you K-Dog because you are a good person I have no reason to believe otherwise.

I wait patiently by this computer for your reply.

Regards,
Joshua Thillagaratnam