A new romantic pursuit for me (Part 1)

Walterg Shaw wrote:

Hello my friend!!!

This is not spam or other bad things. So, please, answer to me!!!
My name is Ekaterina. I am 26 years old.
I live far from Moscow, about 1200 km. I hope you know a town called Voronezh.
You can see it in Google if you want.
I want to search man from other country for serious relationship and may be love.
I am not married and have no children.
I am attractive and no-smoking girl.
I am really tired of my boring life and i want to meet new man in my life to change it.
This is my photo. I hope you can see it and you also like it and you will answer to me.

Please, answer to my e-mail address : katya-shushkina00@rambler.ru
I am waiting for your letter impatiently.
Please, answer me as soon as you read this..

Best regards,
Kiss.
Yours Katya. (this is my short name)
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______________________________

From: Josh T
Subject: Re: Good day!
To: Walterg Shaw

Hello Katya my dear friend,

How nice to have this opportunity to hear from you. I have googled your home town of Voronezh and it is just lovely. I remember it from a board game called Risk. If your country is anything like it is in the board game I would keep a watchful eye on Kamkatcha and also the shifty yellow peril to the south because they will try and take your monument and you will lose the +3 bonus that you would normally enjoy at the start of each round like my friends did to me in one particular game which was most upsetting, and I have reason to believe that they were cheating. I like the horse monument that you have there.

I am a very attractive man, 36 years young and I live in Australia. I am looking for a serious relationship and definitely love. It has to be, this is not up for debate. So it is no wonder that I am so excited about the contents of your email. I have one child though, a boy called Douchebag. Haha no that is not actually his name this is just what I call him when I am very upset with him for eating my precious cereal that is for me and me alone. His real name is Tido. You will meet him and learn to love him as I am myself still trying to do every day of his long and tedious life.

I cannot wait till you get here I will ensure that you are not bored, there are many parts of me things to do. I am very sad to announce however that there was no picture in your email. I long to see a picture of you. Can you please send one? It would really help me get out of bed in the morning. Jerk myself right out of bed suddenly haha no just jokes, just jokes I love to tell jokes my friends say I should be a stand up comedian. But I say "oh, you just say that because I am such a STAND UP GUY". This is a play on words and is considered to be very funny in my country.

I look forward to your reply, please do not keep me waiting because I can tell even from this initial email exchange that you are very beautiful and things are going to work out for us for sure. I must go now as Tido is scratching at the door which means that he wants to come inside, eventhough I have only recently let him out AT HIS request - he can be so fickle minded and sometimes this annoys me.

Kisses
Mr. Thejos